Monday, April 6, 2015

Yoga and Meditation forced be to Get Real!

Wherever you are, it's likely you'll stumble across an ad promoting how Yoga or Meditation changed a person's life; And yes, while this may be true, a lot of people shy away about the not-so-fun things you have to go through to get to the good stuff. And not to mention, it's a constant practice!

My meditation and Yoga practice forced me to get real with myself. I once thought I knew myself so well, but really it was only superficial and materialistic thoughts about myself. The things on the surface: I had a job that I mostly liked, a loving partner, I liked to read, workout and blog. Those are the things that I thought made up my life. It wasn't until I started practicing Yoga and including a regular meditation practice into my day that I realized I really had no idea who I was deep down, under all the layers.

At first, it wasn't the greatest experience. Things were rising to the surface that made me second guess my happiness. When I look back now, that was exactly what I needed, and that was the reason why it all came bubbling to the surface. I realized I harboured a lot of anger and regret. I held onto past arguments and would suppress my true thoughts and feelings on subjects at risk of creating another. I learned that I held grudges and would store a lot of the negativity that came my way rather than focusing on the positive or letting go of all that bad stuff. I would get frustrated during meditation because it seems like my mind would never be still (and letting that completely defeat the purpose of my meditation). I realized in my Yoga practice that when I would hold postures for a period of time, I would grow anxious, maybe even a bit of panic. Why? Because all those feelings, judgements, etc were desperately trying to escape me. Instead of turning inward, focusing on the breath and being in the present, I would immediately start wondering when the heck I could get out of this posture and move on. Again, another blessing in disguise.

At first I felt defeated. Was I truly happy? I would walk away from my mat or cushion discouraged and unsure. But, this was just the beginning. This was point of my practice, unbeknownst to me at the time. My meditation and Yoga practice was actually taking care of my "dirty laundry". It was going through everything that was stale and unnecessary. Everything that didn't serve me. Everything that didn't allow me to be my best self. And in this process, it replaced those dirty hampers with a new open space, fresh and citrusy clean! I no longed harboured all this negative judgment towards myself. I valued and practiced living in the present moment. This practice resulted with me "getting real". I was not happy. I wasn't thrilled with my current situation and learned that I needed to change. And that began a whole new process.

I want to make I very clear that this is a daily practice. Like brushing my teeth or bathing, this is something that I need to continue to do. I still get frustrated with myself(or others), I still sometimes hear the negative self talk trying to break through, but my daily yoga and meditation provides me with the tools that I need to overcome, to be still, quite and live in the now.

Namaste!